The blog world was rocked this week by the announcement from Heather and Jon Armstrong that their marriage is currently in a trial separation. Twitter exploded, hundreds of comments were left on their respective blogs and some of my friends who are readers got together on a hangout so we could process together. Tack on to that all the celebrity break ups that are consistently happening all around us, books featuring the end of a marriage as a main plot point, and the hardest of all, the end of the marriages of people you know and love in real life, and marriage seems pretty pointless. In the past, I’ve felt derailed by the hurt all around me. Sure Hubs and I are mostly great now, but what happens to us when we have kids, the next time we move, in 30 years, or when our marriage faces challenges I haven’t even anticipated?
What has really helped me to get past all of those worries is one simple fact (which can be repeated like a mantra): our marriage is OUR marriage. Our marriage is not Jon and Heather’s marriage or the marriage of anyone close to me, no matter how much I admire what they seemed to have. Because only the two people in the marriage can really know why it works or doesn’t work, I can’t let the end of anyone else’s marriage derail me because as long as I know what’s going on in my marriage, I’m doing the best I can. And there are always times when marriages end because one person did something, but I think it’s more often that people grow apart and there are convincing reasons not to try to grow back together. So as long as Hubs and I keep working on it, we’ll be fine. (I think).